How to Deal with Resentment and it’s Lingering Effects

Let’s have an honest conversation. What is holding you back and keeping you from achieving your goals? This is the question you must ask yourself whenever you feel languished or stuck.

You want to move, but you can’t. You possess tremendous talent and skill, but hesitancy is the death of you. Perhaps somewhere inside there is self-doubt and fear. 

Am I getting somewhere? 

I recently spoke with a ‘business friend’ of mine. By business friend I mean someone who I swap ideas and share content with. Everybody needs a friend who will motivate them. 

Our monthly check-ins are lifesaving; we talk about everything. This weekend we talked about dream killers and how they cause resentment and keep you from success. 

To my surprise, we both have had run-ins with dream killers. And share those icky feelings of resentment. It is good to know that we are now following our dreams, but it wasn’t an easy journey for either of us. 

It is tough to follow your passion. And it is even tougher to follow a dream when criticism from loved ones is so loud. 

I remember as a young girl, people would always tell me that I wasn’t good enough.  When I reached womanhood, I realized I had internalized those negative messages. I WAS A WALKING APOLOGY. My confidence was minuscule. I was afraid of doing so I didn’t try! Conflicted as I was, I knew deep down that I was good enough. Instead of facing my fears, I allowed resentment to creep in. 

The Crashing Train 

My resentment manifested in anger, sadness, and depression. The deadly three. These painful  emotions have been the story of my life. I slipped into the seduction of inadequacy. And I allowed these emotions to steal my dreams and eat away at my being. Because of this, jealousy was my best friend.

How did I ever live a life where I was constantly trying to prove myself to others? That is no way to live. 

Resentment is a bitter feeling. In a nutshell, this emotion comes from feeling that someone wronged you. This wronged feeling doesn’t come from a physical blow to your body. It’s a jab to your self-esteem or a punch to your spirit. Resentment slowly burns eventually killing your confidence. 

Dream killers and Naysayers, will rob you of your self-worth. The resentment that comes after their overt criticism leaves you feeling numb. For me, it made me double guess myself. I believe that not dealing with my resentment caused me to be a later bloomer. I’m always playing catch up. 

I’m telling you this now:

If you don’t deal with resentment, you will never be content and you will project onto others and become a dream killer! 

Overcoming the bitter train 

If you are dealing with bitter feelings of jealousy, resentment, or self-doubt you can overcome it! These feelings won’t go away (they are natural) but they don’t have to run your life.  First things first is to Stay Away from Dream Killers.

Dream killers are people who tell you are not good enough. Your parents and loved ones are no exception. I don’t care how ‘nicely’ they put you down. A put down is a put down. Set up boundaries and create space from them. If you need to distance yourself from them do it.

Know that behind every dream killer was once a vibrant soul who may not have gotten the opportunity they should have. Knowing this will keep you from resentment! And make you understand that anyone is susceptible to failing or succeeding. 

Tips to remove dream killers from your life: 

  • Unfriend/Block people on social media/ Add friends and people who are motivating
  • Have a sit-down with your loved ones and tell them how you feel 
  • Stop communicating with them or go to a “hi” and “bye” basis
  • Confront them. Tell them this: “I’m sorry that you feel this way about what I do, but I’m happy and content.”
  • Keep doing what you are doing and work on your craft! Keep getting better! 
  • Reach out to people for extra help 
  • If you can’t reach a particular dream transform it to something similar 

Tips for dealing with resentment 

  • Identify your feelings and allow yourself to feel 
  • Talk with someone you trust or to a professional 
  • Get better at your craft: take a class, a course,  a workshop, or go to school 
  • Find an outlet or a hobby 

Keep going even if it hurts 

Early in this post, I used the word languish. I actually came across that word at a Circle K gas station. It was the ‘word of the day’ at the gas pump display. When I read the definition, it resonated with me. 

Fail to be successful or to be improved; remain in an unpleasant situation for a long time. 

Whew. I think everyone has dealt with being in a terrible situation, mentally or physically, unable to move or go forward. I know I have. But I told myself this year that no matter what I was going to progress and keep moving.

It hurts sometimes when you are your only cheerleader, but you can’t stop. Don’t Stop. Because at the end of the day, you are the only person in the mirror. 

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